I have an announcement to make. From now on when I’m reading a story that has just been added to the newscast and it includes a really hard name to pronounce I’m going to replace the name. Yep, rather than getting that deer in the headlights look and struggling through a name that only one other person in the western hemisphere has heard of, I’m going to just skip it. It will work something like this:“Also overseas today, NATO officials say they’re one step closure to identifying the suspect or suspects in last week’s oil tanker explosion that was intended to send a message to Uzbekistan’s Prime Minister…(short pause)… Matt Damon.” You see how much better that would be for the both of us? Anytime there’s a strange name that no one would know anyway, rather than me trying to look cool by saying it really confidently, I’ll just replace it with: Matt Damon.
I realize it may confuse the kids – but they shouldn’t be watching the news on their own anyway. You will be there to explain what’s really happening. Think of it as an anchor-induced bonding moment with your children. It could also confuse friends and relatives from out of town. “Did your news guy – that one there with the plastic anchor hair – did he just say Matt Damon was the prime minister of some country?” “Yes, yes he did,” you’ll say proudly.
This new system will become an opportunity to demonstrate your knowledge of the world to your friends and family. No need to thank me right away. But be watching closely, the day I have the guts to really do it, it will be my last day.
By the way, Uzbekistan’s prime minister is Shavkat Mirziyoyev. I haven’t the slightest idea how to pronounce his name. But I do know that he replaced Utkir Sultanov in December of 2003.
